Another long stretch between postings, another long march into a new year. The just past holiday season was a bit of a challenge. I always feel like Charlie Brown during the Christmas holiday season. Once it’s over, I’m pretty glad to get things back to normal. But therein lies the rub. Life doesn’t seem to have a lot of normal for me these days.
I feel like up until this point, I’ve been lucky enough to avoid a lot of the really icky things about life, and especially the end of life that seems to be slowly rising to the east of this current existence. Oh, I probably have at least another 3 decades left, which is fine. It just seems that maybe I’m not as happy as I used to be.
Yesterday was pretty much an app development bust. I just could not get any traction at all, so I was hoping that today would be better. It has been, but once kids started coming home from school, things started to go off track once more. So as I was out getting school supplies, I thought about how things are going and casually thought, “I’m doing the best that I can.”
But no! I’m not, at least I hope not. I really really hate that expression. This is not the best I can do. I haven’t peaked yet and as long as there is breath in my body, I refuse to surrender! Excuses aren’t going to get these app projects done. So I’ve banished such thoughts as, “doing the best that I can” from my head. The best is yet to come and then be surpassed yet again.
Another birthday is coming up soon. I reflect, lament, and celebrate. Right now though, I really wish my wife would at least take some time to get me a present. Something that shows she took some time and gave it a little thought. Now I usually end up getting things for myself and maybe taking the day off from work. But, it just doesn’t feel the same and it doesn’t heal the hurt…
Yesterday while working I received a chat message in Google Gmail from a colleague on a project I’m working on. These days, just getting a chat message is not a big deal, but as someone from *ahem* the dawn of email, the real time nature of chat still takes some getting used to. Nevertheless, I use chat along with a growing plethora of social network related sites and applications. As a professional and an enthusiast, I’m intrigued by the opportunities these tools present to create a new digital self. But do you create the person you are, or the one you want to become?
I used to joke that I come from the time when people used their real names on the Internet. But in an age of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and soon Google Wave, it seems that that time has come again. While I have no intention of spreading my real name all over the net in anything less than a professional context, I am becoming more comfortable with the notion of embracing a digital self more identified with my real self.
It feels like a second chance to reach out in ways not limited by physical separation, or a dubious set of in-person social skills. Well, I’m not really all that bad in person, but I’m no social butterfly either. In any case, I’m excited by the possibilities and filled with a new courage to be who I am as well as who I want to become.
Yesterday was kinda tough. I’m not sure where the quake occurred, but the wave of depression that hit yesterday was nearly irresistable. Maybe it was a mix of things, bad weather, flu virus, and a collection of frustrations and recent disappointments.
I was proud to get through work, progress made, no meetings missed. But it was hard, and looking back, I probably should have gone home. Today is better, but sadly I can only whisper into the knothole of this digital tree.