Now that sex has become boring, I guess I am officially old. *sigh* I’ve never liked doing anything the same ol’ way over and over again. But right now it seems that I am doomed to the same bedroom mechanic for the foreseeable future (if there is such a thing). So I’ve come here to vent a little bit. Even that has taken some effort as I’ve felt so much palpable pressure to conform and behave over the last couple of months.
Well conformity has never been my thing. And I’ve “behaved” all my life. I’m tired of behaving. I just want to be myself and say the things I need to say. I’m supposed to be writing a prayer for Sunday, but right now I’m at a loss. My faith has not left me though, only the words.
I still can’t get over the feeling that time is running out. Of course, that’s probably because it’s true. There’s only a finite amount of time left in my sojourn on Earth and I have no idea just how much of it is left. I suspect that most people just ignore this and carry on, but I just keep having these feelings that I need to try new stuff before I run out of time.
Even though I believe that there is more than this life and that God has a purpose for all of this, I still want new experiences in the here and now. Is that bad? I’d like to think that this is all preparation for whatever role I may have in the next life. But I have no proof of that, and it seems likely that’s it’s all my own depraved thrill seeking.
Oh well, none of that changes the fact that the sands in my hour glass are running out. I don’t think my faith has been shaken, I just want to understand all of these feelings better.