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Walk of No Joy

My walk was necessary, but gave me no joy. I could see a beautiful day, but did not feel it. It was good to get outside, and long walks have been something I have enjoyed for many years. But in this Pandemic world, the mask on my face only reminds me that all is not well.

I suppose I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. I stay inside, work and game to distraction. Temptation to throw all caution to the wind. But I am too disciplined for that. I will not abandon reason. Now is not the time.

I will walk again. Perhaps I can recapture the joy.

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General

Raining In My Soul

I’m feeling a lot of rain and sorrow right now. It’s raining outside, making a mockery of work I did earlier draining the pond. An overworked spouse, hateful white men mocking George Floyd’s death, and storms have forced me to take a step back, away from this day. An artist on Reddit has captured my feelings today.

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She Won’t Be Home For Christmas

Every parent knows it’s going to happen someday. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less of course. When I heard that my eldest daughter had decided to spend Christmas away from home, all of the air just went out of my balloons. I’m still feeling deflated, but I guess it’s just an unavoidable part of letting go. We’ve spent nearly two decades preparing her for this, so I guess we should be proud in a way. Still, the Christmas lights will be a little dimmer this year.

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The Unavoidable

Sometimes I think that maybe if I’d been a little more valuable, I wouldn’t have been laid off. But then I think, yeah, that’s probably true. T_T

depression kitty

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General

Tsunami of Depression

Yesterday was kinda tough. I’m not sure where the quake occurred, but the wave of depression that hit yesterday was nearly irresistable. Maybe it was a mix of things, bad weather, flu virus, and a collection of frustrations and recent disappointments.

I was proud to get through work, progress made, no meetings missed. But it was hard, and looking back, I probably should have gone home. Today is better, but sadly I can only whisper into the knothole of this digital tree.

 

sometimes life is hard
sometimes life is hard